Learned Lessons at Hogwarts by the Marauders
by black4minister
Summary: The marauders guide to trouble making for future generations. Read to avoid unnecessary detentions and injuries


**Lessons Learned at Hogwarts**

**To all future Messers,**

**Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs would like to pass on some valuable lessons, which we have learned through trial and error (not to mention numerous trips to the hospital wing), so that you, the future generations, can continue on our noble work in the corridors and classrooms of this great school. Good Luck! **

1. The first year speech about not going into the Forbidden Forest is not a challenge.

2. Do not attempt to hide four people in two suits of armour, enough said.

3. Broom closets do lock from the outside so they are not the best hiding place.

4. Jelly is not a suitable food for a food-fight. It tends to land on the thrower.

5. Do not shout out newly learnt muggle words (e.g. terriorist attack) in the great hall. There are a lot more muggle-borns than you'd think.

6. Firing random hexes at the DADA teacher to "test his reflexes" is not a good idea.

7. Sending McGonagall an office full of roses is not a good way to get out of detention. Though it's an excellent way to get detention.

8. "We were taking advanced pranking classes from Peeves" is not an acceptable excuse for missing class.

9. Should one choose to drop a box of tarantulas in the great hall one should not stand in the door way.

10. Although Professor Flitwick is head of the school choir he does not appreciate the singing of an assortment of muggle songs you heard on the radio.

11. Slughorn equally does not appreciate the singing of "A cauldron full of hot, strange love" in potions class. Even if it comes with a dance routine.

12. Throwing pickled frogs into random potions is not recommended.

13. Do not attempt to outsmart/get the better of Lily Evans or relatives of. You will lose.

14. Use the hair.

15. Do not put hair removal potion in the prefect's showers or if you do, do tell your prefect friend before hand.

16. Do not replace your opposing Quidditch team's brooms with brooms that have no flying spells on them. Highly amusing it is but will lose you the match if McGonagall has any thing to do with it.

17. Do not replace the bludgers with similar shaped cake controlled from the stands. No matter how good your Levitation spell is you can't outstrip the beaters forever, very messy.

18. Madame Rosmerta is not interested. Even in the wonderful, desirable, irreplaceable Mr. Black.

19. To all girls under the age of 17 Mr. Potter is not interested in anyone other than Lily Evens. You're wasting our time and yours.

20. Against popular believe all Slytherins do not like snakes. Transfiguring their scarves into snakes is a little dangerous, (thank God for the Fat Lady and her password)

21. Muggle duelling results in severely bruised knuckles and broken thumbs. Not a look the ladies like and Madame Pomfrey isn't sympathetic.

22. Although Lily Evens is popular not every girl wants to look like her. A Sirius Black is needed to deal with angry mob of girls.

23. "What do you think?" is not an acceptable answer to all teachers' questions, and is hazards to house points.

24. People do not appreciate reminders of Peeves songs sung over and over again.

25. Starting a rock band with Peeves as lead singer/songwriter is an extremely bad idea. Remember just because he can't get detention doesn't mean you can't.

26. Ending the year by replacing the floating candles with exploding ones is not a good idea. Remember that you have to attend the welcome feast too, and it doesn't help if you forget about them.

27. It is not a good idea to allow wild animals to room free in the castle.

28. Levitating ravens into the Ravenclaw common room is not deemed acceptable practice of Charms.

29. Decorating the castle in Gryffindor colours is not acceptable, even on Godric Gryffindor's birthday.

30. "You should be a good example to the first years" does not mean you should make them your prodigies.

31. Do not under any circumstances attempt a sleeping bag race down the great staircase.

32. Do not put groups of first years in the lake. A surprising number of them are not able to swim and the Giant Squid only has eight legs.

33. Do not put large amounts of polish on the banisters and then tell the first years that you must slide down the staircase as the steps vanish. The lecture by McGonagall will cause you to miss breakfast.

34. McGonagall does not care how many American teenager novels you have read, for Muggle Studies, it is totally unacceptable to start a fraternity and hold an initiation ceremony in the common room.

35. Not even the Gryffindor resident ghost fines, the "Who can get the quaffle through their head" game, funny.

36. Extra Quidditch practice is not a viable reason for there to be quaffles or bludgers flying around the classroom.

37. Snitches are not acceptable Christmas decorations when realised during the feast. Also remember if you do attempt this don't use snitches stolen from the schools Quidditch supplies.

38. It is very dangerous to throw a bottle of plant growing potion into greenhouse four, where they keep the man-eating plants.

39. Remus Lupin does not want a toilet seat as a get well present every time he's in the hospital wing. Also he doesn't find the present of a dog collar amusing.

40. Out run the werewolf is not an acceptable game to play on a full moon.

41. Stealing a prefects badge it's as good as one would think, as teachers and pupils know who the prefect really is.

42. Before growing a maze in the grounds draw a map of the maze or don't design from the outside in.

43. Do not bring Lily Evens in to the maze with you as she knows many spells, including ones to force you to play teddy bears tea party until rescued.

44. Undertaking the entertainment for the Halloween feast, i.e. suits of armour doing the can-can, is not an acceptable occupation for even the head boy, especially during classes.

45. Camping out in the great hall to be early for breakfast is not a good excuse for being out of bed after curfew.

46. Though McGonagall transforms into a cat she does not like any form f cat food. Sirius Black however is very fond of dog biscuits for undisclosed reasons.

47. McGonagall does not appreciate the celebrating of her birthday by skipping her class, especially when found in the kitchens planning a surprise, midnight, birthday party for her.

48. The many creatures of the lake do not appreciate the draining of the lake, even to smash through the Slytherin common room roof.

49. Dumbledore, though grateful for the consideration, does not wish his hair to be any other colour than it is.

50. Setting up water sports on the lake is not acceptable. Even though this keeps messers out of trouble, a fact we informed McGonagall of. We think it was the fee paying part she didn't like.

51. Hang the Slytherin is not a good alternative to Hangman. They tend to object a lot, this can get distracting.

52. Tap-dancing students is not an acceptable corridor feature.

53. It is not a good idea to let Cornish Pixies out in an area which you are also in. Though observing from a protected area is highly amusing.

54. Apparently future girlfriends (that hate you at the time) are not included in the "lucky charms not allowed in exam hall", I asked.

55. Time-out is a muggle punishment for children and when told "you need a time-out" you should not answer with yeah sure and promise to follow through with all of it. (Thankfully Lily took pity on us after the first 15 minutes.)

56. "Something hot" is an acceptable answer to where did you get that burn from, but "I was working with Hagrid" seems to be and doesn't result in any punishment.

57. Do not have a muggle clothes wearing day with out informing and getting the approval of teachers/headmaster.

58. The colour of your school uniform is not optional. The Gryffindor house colours will get you a sparkle of amusement from the headmaster.

59. Do not practice levitation on empty bottles especially if you drank the contents of said bottles before hand.

60. A competition to see who can get the most detentions over your seven years of Hogwarts is highly amusing. However you do need to keep track of the numbers yourself, as McGonagall will throw you out of her office if you turn up there on the last night of school and ask her to give you the totals.


End file.
